Carol’s blog

1.       Practice gratitude - be grateful for what you have, rather than focusing on what you don’t have. Most people in the Singapore have material comfort, security & health far greater than that of people living only a few hundred years ago, but for many people their perception is of lack, what they don’t have. When I’m feeling low, I ask myself “What are some of the things, people & experiences that you’re most grateful for”.  Make a list of some of the things that you’re most grateful for, then talk to someone else about it. You’ll feel good!

2.       Say “thank-you” to feelings. Feelings are messengers, but people often fight them. Instead, say “thank-you” to your feelings, & open to the information they’ve been trying to give you. Then notice how quickly the feelings begin to shift, change & dissipate. What you resist persists, but what you accept melts away.

3.       Accept yourself exactly as you are. We’re inundated by marketing telling us how we need to change ourselves &/or consume stuff in order to be happy, but that’s a big lie. Instead, you can accept yourself exactly as you are. When you accept yourself as you are, your mind & body relax, and everything becomes easier. Stop, and say to yourself “I accept myself exactly as I am”, and notice what happens. Some people immediately feel a sense of peace and calm, while others experience internal arguments and discomfort. Whatever happens for you, don’t fight it; accept it; say “thank-you”. People sometimes think “If I accept myself as I am I’ll never get what I want”, but when you accept things as they are in this moment (including yourself), you put yourself in the most powerful position to make changes.

4.       Say nice things to yourself. If criticism was going to work, it probably would have worked by now. Most people talk to themselves in critical internal voices, saying mean things. But the happiest people say nice things to themselves, & use a nice tone of voice. Of course, the “mean” things may have useful information, so say them in a nice or funny voice tone (eg a favourite cartoon character).

5.       Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want. Whether setting your goals for the year, or deciding what sort of afternoon you want with your in-laws, focus on what you want, not what you don’t want. What you focus on increases, so if you focus on “not having an argument”, your brain thinks about arguing to make sense of it. Instead, focus on what you want, eg. Having a happy, fun, peaceful day.

6.       Understand others first. Christmas is often a time of arguments & strife. If you’re feeling tense, say thank-you to the feelings, then focus on what you want. What’s more important, having a happy, peaceful day, or being right? Put yourself in the other person’s shoes - they may be doing the best they can, & just happen to be kind of annoying with it. Who knows, they may even have a good point to make.

7.       Measure your progress by looking back. The happiest most successful people measure their progress by looking back at how far they’ve come. Look at what you’ve accomplished in the last year. Even if you’re not aware of having accomplished much, you’re alive, which is a five-star evolutionary accomplishment, so give yourself a pat on the back.

8.       Set goals for 2008. You’re capable of more than you think you are. Ask “What do I want to be / do / have in 2008?” & “How will I know I’ve got it?”

9.       Decide to be happy today. Abraham Lincoln said “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” If you’re feeling unhappy about something, ask “What would it mean if I were not unhappy about that?”). Sometimes people are unhappy because they think they’re supposed to be, but it’s not compulsory!

10.   Practice moderation in all things. It seems that excessive consumption may not be the key to happiness after all! If you must go “over the top”, focus excessively on what you’re grateful for.

Wish you all a Merry Christmas and a happy prosperous NEW YEAR 2008!